A shiney new quarter

Three things:

1. Im sitting in a coffee shop in Seattle, on my laptop, listening to death cab, wearing a pair of vans and designer jeans and writting a blog, oh and I rode my fixie here
2. I am more and more becoming your atypical Seattle resident
3. some people have a problem with this, I however am not one of those people!

Fact: The things that I did five years ago got me in trouble
Fact: I think I found a way to get out of that trouble
Fact: I lost some friends this week
Fact: I think I am okay with the above stated facts

I am in my 25th year on this planet and there are quite a few things I have learned, many of those are in the vain of relationship. I attract instable people, I think, its because I myself am unstable, Instabilty breeds instability, so if I am ever going to be "stable" (what ever that means) I need to be around "stable" people.

I just a cup of coffee with a good friend, when I say "good" i dont mean it in the sense of our friendship is the best, because quite frankly it is still new, I say it meaning that she is a good friend TO me, in turn I hope I am related to as a good friend by her, ANYWAYS, we talked about the idea that everybody tries to hold onto who they used to be in the "good ol days" so much so that we hurt who we are today, we stiffle what is really siupposed to happen, we try to force a reality that isnt there. Currently I am going through some "growing" in the vain of friends, I dont end things well. My way of ending something, hurt someone and walk away, I dont know how to do it gracefully! but it needed to end, it needed to be put to rest maybe just for now, sometimes things need space and air and room to grow, to die, im not really sure. One thing I am sure of is that i see a light at the end of the tunnel, cliche, I know, but still its there freinds that fit, that dont cost me anything people that care where my heart is, that ask me where my mind is, people that cultivate healthy relationships.

My life is leading me towards four things

1. Career
2. Connor
3. Music
4. God

Albeit the last one is the most important, I need to feel comfortable in my skin, in my dreams. I had a really good talk last night during a really horrible performance at a coffee shop last night, Laila spoke of feeling "comfortable" in a church setting... it got me thinking... do I feel comfortable at Mars hill? I know that I love mark, and I love the church as a whole... but is ballard my home? I have been talking about working my way into the redmond campus, but why have I not put any steps to the plan? maybe i feel TO comfortable at the ballard campus, maybe what im looking for isnt in the church, but more so in the body of the church. It has been very obvious to many many people that I am lonely, that I am not happy with my current "single" status, is that my fault? it might be! I guess I need to make the choice, Sarah? Denver? or here. It would be benificial for my relationship with my son to move to Colorado, but what about with his mother? what about with my heart?

Sarah and I have been talking alot about things, with us, with the future, with where we will be in said future! I guess we all are just waiting, it only takes one step towards a direction to start a journey, will I walk towards that future? or is there another path?