All that ive known

P>If i dont change, all the hurt i have caused will be for not

does it matter who i am anymore, am i just a heart that never heals? Just like every one else in my life, in your position you feel like you are entitled to every single part of my life, you feel like i owe you something, i cant say it enough, i have nothing to give, i walk away time and agian because i learn things the hard way, i put myself through the same shit everyday, so what, who cares, its not all about you, you put yourself in this situation MORE than i did, you knew what you were getting into, you asked for it time and again... i have the text messages to prove it... now your mad at me...

You think you know everything about me, about sarah, about connor, about our relationship...

you dont

you wont

have you ever played telephone, third hand information rarely repeats the truth, it is mearly a shadow, blury and deformed, devoid of the facts, mearly an outline. Two months, two months and you think i owe you something

I dont eat, i dont sleep, i cant pay my bills, my head is so full of ideas, intrigue and creativity... i want to accomplish... music... art... t-shirts... coffee.

I am stiffled by the job that i do, i hate it, but i need it so i love it, but it is this job that is tearing my heart right now

I did not lie to you, i mearly left out information that was not pertinant to the situation at hand

I know that sounds like an excuse, but you dont know me, you cant read the walls that are around my heart, the fact is i am alone, terribly, horribly, painfully alone

I forsake the two people in my life that truely love me God and...

I need long term faithfullness... God... work.... connor.... life... SINGLE!!!!

fuck what i want... i dont know what i want... i know what i DESIRE and that is a girl... an unhealthy desire i might add....

I have NOT changed even though i say i have

its clutch time Jon 30 seconds on the clock... what are you going to do

Still sitting there with your legs crossed,
not paying attention to me.
If we talk, just curious, would this end up like it always does?
All the wrong I've done.
All the wrong I'll do.
Keeps me from trying.
It keeps me quiet.
Throw out your arms to each side.
It's easier to let things go.
When we talk think what we say: there's questions then silence and
in silence we remain.
All the wrong I've done and all the wrong I'll do.
It keeps me from trying.
Keeps me from calling you.
Something I just found out.
Something you know by now.
Hope makes you so strong.
Strength keeps you alone and far away

(jimmy eat world)